From 2009 to 2012 I slowly found myself slipping further and further down the rabbit hole of a dead end job at the YMCA in Shreveport and it made me question everything about myself up to that point. I had become so lost at the job that I had not only grown accustomed to the fact that I was stuck there, but I began to accept that there would no longer be any opportunity for advancement.  This feeling of loss stemmed further in that I began to face feelings of a loss of self worth and I started to just accept that whatever talents I might have had where just going to be wasted. I really had lost myself for a time and not only that the person who I was becoming was becoming unrecognizable and I didn't care for him at all. I went to work I came home, and I repeated and I resented the fact that that I was settling and this 9 to 5 routine of loneliness was starting to just, take over my life. This is likely the best example I have of a time in which I experienced a Kriya in the manner that Cameron describes was when I was faced with the decision to leave the job on a hope and a prayer that my plan to return to school would pan out. I knew that it was not going to be an easy decision, one that would likely lead me into a relatively uncertain future and so I struggled with the decision for a while. Ultimately when I made the decision to just go for it I felt an incredible sense of uncertainty yes, but more than anything there was a level of freedom that I had never felt before and even that alone was worth the feelings of fear and doubt.
My hope at this point for me by the time I'm 50, will be that I can look back and see some, hell, any accomplishments in film whether mainstream or independent that I can be proud of both in front of and behind the camera. If I can be a steady working Actor or Director, that would be phenomenal. By the time I'm 80 I would hope that I will have had a career in film that spanned decades back with my time at LSU serving as the vaulting point at which my life changed for the better. I hope that I will have continued down the path that brought about the least amount of regret for missed opportunities or relationships, as it has thus far. I can only hope that I can be happy and look back with a fondness for how it was, an appreciation for how it is, and a hope for peace for how it will be.
Ha, man I was a weird kid. I usually isolated myself from others, but I had friends and often incorporated the things I liked into time spent with them.....Yet, the best memories I have, are of me and an 8mm camera making dinky little movies with my toys or with me acting.....most of the time I was doing so by myself. The only world I've ever known is a world that is engulfed in a love and passion for movies and the magic that resonates from the stories films create. Movies are what have defined me, I have an incredibly strong connection that stems all the way back to being a child when my grandfather and I would go see countless movies on a regular basis. This is how it started and from as early as 5 years old movies and television have truly defined me and helped shape me into who I am today. So when I look back at myself at 8 and realize that while I'm taller and yeah, maybe a little more jaded, I haven't lost that sense of what defines me and makes me happy, so I must be doing something right.