Self Worth:

So, again, I'm slacking on the blog post deadline. I do apologize again, and I'll try not to fall behind on the next posting. So, it's taken me a long time to get to point in my life where I'm somewhat comfortable in the way I conduct myself and the image I feel I portray. I feel as I've gotten older I care less and less about how other people perceive me and instead have shifted focus to being true to my beliefs and holding true to the moral fiber which I believe has helped to keep me a fairly grounded individual. For a very long time I was concerned with how people perceived me, I suppose because my viewpoint was shifted in a way that made me feel I needed to live up to standards that not only stemmed from a misconstrued perception of my own interpretation of what I figured people expected out of me, but an insecurity that slowly built up over the years from my experiences being around superficial individuals that I allowed to control how I carried myself. I look back and realize that without this character defining experience I wouldn't be as conscious of how far I've come from the days of insecurity, because of these experiences I've further established myself as the individual I want to be and I feel I project my true nature to people without a need to cover up or hide the idiosyncrasies that define me. I think this is key to finding worth in ones self, the ability to not compromise opinion, or beliefs, to find in one's self the ability to recognize that the differences that define you are what make you an better defined individual. I'm typically pretty positive towards who perceive myself to be. I think that's because for a very long time I was quite negative in regard to my self worth. The majority of my life I was pretty insecure and typically kind of hard on myself in regard to my self image. Again, this is because I projected other peoples perceptions onto myself, I held myself up to standards that were not even remotely important to what should have served to better defined me, like for instance being concerned about how those closest to me perceived me instead of complete strangers. I still have days where I just feel off, in that I doubt that my abilities are going to get me anywhere, or that maybe none of my dreams for the future are going to pan out. In those moments I try to remind myself that I chose to pursue this course because I am passionate about film as a medium for story telling. The fact that I chose to do this in itself was a risk, but because I have the drive to make this happen I know that I will be capable of finding some worth to the endeavor regardless of the outcome. This will serve as another character building experience that hopefully will give me a boost in filling the need to establish my self worth for myself, not for anyone else.